A TechCom Trainee's Journal
by TermFan1980
Summary: Journal entries of a young man going through TechCom's basic training. His life changes when he meets a pretty brown-eyed girl. Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal

Chapter 1: Entries 1-6

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**Author's note:**

**The inspiration for this one came from a very entertaining story by Pjazz entitled _"The Secret Diary of Cameron Baum."_ The format is similar (journal entries) but the story is entirely different.**

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Name: TechCom Enlistee. Private #10261984

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Entry #1 - 08-03-2026 (Monday)

I have decided to start keeping a journal of my thoughts. Some of my peers have recommended this to me. They say it helps them cope with this horrible life we all live. They say it helps even more so once we complete our training, and start going on missions because your friends will start disappearing. It's a morbid and depressing idea, but it is very true. It can be very difficult to get close enough to someone to confide in them your deepest of feelings, and the chance of one of you not coming back from a battle with the machines is very high. Therefore, you write in a journal. Your journal becomes your best and only friend... at least that's what they say.

Entry #2 - 08-04-2026 (Tuesday)

Earlier today on a scouting mission, I saw a burnt out shell of a T-800 on the ground in a pile of rubble. It had multiple plasma blast marks on it, including one through its "forehead". This was the first time I'd seen a real T-800 chassis. Of course I've seen the replica model that we have in the classroom, but this was the first one I saw that was an actual combat model. They are much more frightening looking in person. I can't imagine how scary they are when their eyes are lit up red, and they are coming to kill you. It sends shivers down my spine, and now I understand why TechCom does not send us into any type of actual combat until we have completed the FULL training course.

Entry #3 - 08-07-2026 (Friday)

The speech John Connor gave to our class today for our "half-done" ceremony was very inspiring. The man is a true leader, I saw for the first time why so many people are willing to risk their lives and die for him. We all owe him so much. I understand now that we would not be here... none of us, if he had not taught us to fight back against the machines.

On another note, I can't believe we are already half done with our training! To think that in less than a year, we will be topside blasting at metal with the rest of the TechCom army.

Entry #4 - 08-15-2026 (Saturday)

Last night I think I laughed harder than I have in months. Terry "The Joker" Solomon was on a roll telling jokes and funny stories in the camp's main assembly area. It didn't take long for a big crowd to form around him. We were all wiping the tears from our eyes and holding our sore guts caused by his hilarious antics. I even told out camp Officer, Lieutenant Derek Reese that we should make Terry's official TechCom duty just to tell jokes and keep up morale. During the comedy act was one of the very few times I've ever seen Lieutenant Reese laugh out loud. It was certainly nice to forget about this horrible war for an hour or so.

Entry #5 - 08-16-2026 (Sunday)

I forgot to mention another thing that happened during Terry's funny story-telling on Friday. There was this pretty brown-eyed girl that I was standing next to. We made eye contact a few times, and smiled at each other... I can't say if it was only because we were both laughing our butts off or not though. We didn't say anything to each other, just kind of laughed together and exchanged looks, but it seemed like we had some connection... maybe I'm just being overly optimistic. I wish I would have actually introduced myself, but by the time Terry was done and I could actually compose myself to speak again, my friends kind of dragged me away to hang out with them before I could say anything to her. I'm not sure if she's in my class or not... it's a pretty big class. I'll have to look for her on Monday.

Entry #6 - 08-17-2026 (Monday)

I was a bit disappointed today when I could not locate the girl I met on Friday night. I tried looking for her before our Incendiary-Chem class started, but I didn't see her. I was ready to assume that she was not in the class at all since she looked like she may have been a year or two older than I am, but they teach everyone from 15 to 20 and sometimes even older. None the less, I was a little surprised when I was leaving for the day and heard a "Hey, you." behind me. It was her! She had been sitting directly behind me, a couple rows back the whole time. We exchanged some small talk about the comedy show, and I now I know her name. Allison.

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**A/N: Stay tuned for more...**


	2. Chapter 2

Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal

Chapter 2: Entries 7-10

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Entry #7 - 08-18-2026 (Tuesday)

I guess today was my lucky day. We had to pair off for weapons training, so of course, I asked Allison to be my "buddy" for the day. She was more than happy to. It was definitely to my advantage, not only because I got to spend most of the day with one of the cuter girls in class, but also because she really knows her way around a plasma rifle. I learned more from her than I did from the instructor. I asked her what she was even doing taking the class instead of teaching it, and she just shrugged her shoulders and told me that it's regulations... everyone must go through basic training before being sent on missions.

Entry #8 - 08-19-2026 (Wednesday)

Today's lesson was history. It was very somber and depressing. There were a few guest speakers who told about where they were on Judgment Day. Lieutenant Reese told us how he and his younger brother were playing in the front yard when they saw the missiles being launched and flying overhead. I don't have any recollection of Judgment Day myself; I was either too young, or not even born yet... I don't know for sure. It must have been much harder for the older students who had been small children when it all happened, because several students were bawling during the guest's speeches. I looked over and saw that Allison was trying her best to fight back tears, but she eventually broke down as well. I later found out over our lunch break that she was 3 years old when the bombs fell. She also told me an extremely sad story of the final goodbye hugs she gave her parents when she was dropped off at day-care on Judgment Day. It's been a while since I have cried, but I couldn't help but get choked-up watching her blink tears out of her eyes as she talked. I gave her a hug that ended up lasting a couple minutes while she cried on my shoulder.

Entry #9 - 08-20-2026 (Thursday)

Allison didn't say anything to me today. She would hardly even make eye contact with me. I suspect that maybe she is embarrassed about breaking down yesterday. That's nonsense though... who wouldn't be sad when bringing up such traumatic memories? Maybe it's because she is such a strong-willed girl, and doesn't like to be seen in such a vulnerable state. Maybe I'm being a bit selfish, but I can't help but feel a little bit hurt from being ignored.

Entry #10 - 08-21-2026 (Friday)

I was getting worried that things were going to be perpetually awkward between Allison and I, since she was still giving me the silent treatment all morning. I decided to give her some space and sat alone at lunch, and also found a different place to sit during our afternoon lessons. It wasn't until we were dismissed for the day that she finally talked to me again. She apologized for acting the way she was, and explained that it was because she was embarrassed. I knew it! I reassured her that she had no reason to feel ashamed of breaking down, and that I would gladly volunteer to be her shoulder to cry on any place, any time. She smiled and thanked me when I told her this. I'm not sure what came over me right then, but I blurted out that I didn't want to wait until the following Monday to see her again. She agreed, so we decided to meet tomorrow evening. I think that will count as our first date. This pen cannot express how excited I am right now.

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**A/N: I normally don't write Romance stuff, nor do I normally write in a first-person narrative. Is is working well so far? I know the chapters are short and the journal entries are brief, but this is how I would imagine someone's journal to look...not going into great detail about eveything, but rather just touching on the highlights of their thoughts. **


	3. Chapter 3

Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal

Chapter 3: Entries 11-12

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Entry #11 - 08-22-2026 (Saturday)

I have been saving a can of sliced pineapples for a couple years. I found two cans once while I was rummaging around a demolished grocery store. I remember the taste of the preserved fruit from when I ate the first can. It was so tasty compared to anything that we get to eat in the tunnels that I decided to save the second can for a very special occasion. I think my date with Allison this evening qualifies as "very special", so I will share them with her. I also tried to clean myself up... as much as I could without any soap anyway... I want to look my best. If I can convince her, I want to take Allison to a secluded spot along the shore I discovered a while back. I go there sometimes to watch the sun set, and there are hardly ever any machines in the area. It's almost time to go meet her, and I am getting increasingly nervous. I hope I don't blow it.

Entry #12 - 08-23-2026 (Sunday)

What a night! Last night was amazing, and I feel like I have so much to say. I need to write this all down before I forget any details. First, I met up with Allison on the southeast corner of the sector 43 commons area. She was so beautiful I almost didn't recognize her! She had cleaned herself up much better than I did. I was speechless, and found myself unable to even move.

"Are you going to just stand there grinning like an idiot, or are we going to go somewhere?" she said to me, smiling and playfully pulling at my arm. I was so embarrassed right then... I'm sure my face turned red. She just laughed at this. Luckily I snapped out of my trance and told her to follow me.

We arrived at the place on the shore about a half hour before sunset so we had some time to talk, while relaxing, watching the sun get lower and lower in the sky. The topic of our TechCom training came up, and I asked her how she knew so much and was so good with a plasma-rifle. I'm not sure if this question upset her or not, but she got kind of quiet, and seemed to not want to talk about it. After a minute of silence she finally told me that her parents... her adopted parents, are high-ranking officers in the Resistance. She doesn't like to tell people because she is afraid that people will treat her differently. It made me feel good that she trusted and confided in me, so I assured her that her secret was safe with me.

A few minutes later, our full attention was on the sun dropping off over the horizon. "Thank you." She told me. "It's been so long since I've watched one of these." The red-orange glow from the horizon glistened in her big, brown eyes when she looked at me. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her right then, but hesitated, then just turned my head back to the horizon and said, "No problem." Ugh... I felt like such a spineless imbecile. All was not lost though, because she leaned against me and rested her head on my shoulder. Not as exciting as a kiss, but it still gave me butterflies in my stomach. I leaned into her a bit and reached around her back to put my hand on her shoulder. When I did this my coat fell open a little, revealing the tin can stowed in the inside pocket. I had almost forgotten!

"Are you hungry?" I asked her. It was too late to make it back in time to eat dinner at the mess-hall.

"Starving," she responded, rubbing her belly.

I wish I could have taken a picture of the way her face lit up when I presented the can of pineapple slices to her. Her eyes grew to the size of hand-grenades. I pulled the combat knife out of my boot and began puncturing the top of the can. We could instantly smell the sweet fruit inside as the air that had been sealed inside for decades escaped and tantalized our nostrils. Once it was open, we both tore into it like a couple of animals. I think we devoured the can of fruit in less than half a minute. It was easily the most delicious thing either of us had eaten in years. When the can was gone, we looked at each other and started giggling at the mess we'd made. Our fingers were sticky with pineapple residue, and we both had juice dripping from our mouth and chin. She reached out and used her forefinger to wipe a small piece of fruit from my cheek. At first I felt stupid that I could manage to get food stuck to my face like that, but she allayed my embarrassment when she slowly sucked the bit of pineapple off of her finger. She smiled widely after she swallowed it, biting her bottom lip slightly.

I'm not sure if she did that with the intention of seductively driving me crazy, or if she was just being flirty as usual, but at that point I don't think anything in Skynet's arsenal could have stopped me from leaning over and pressing my lips to hers. Well, she must have been expecting that, because when I pulled away from that sweet, quick little first kiss, I couldn't see an ounce of surprise in her eyes; only lust for more. Our second kiss was neither sweet, nor quick; it was heavy, deep and passionate. It's hard to describe the ecstatic feeling of one's first real kiss. My head is still spinning from the moment. We lost track of time, and soon it was dark out. Metal would be making its nightly rounds soon, so we hurried home.

I offered to walk her to her home, but she insisted that my place was closer, so we parted ways once we got to my area. Another soft goodnight kiss ended the date on a high note. I can't wait to see her again. I know it's too soon and probably foolish to say it, but I think I'm in love.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal

Chapter 4: Entries 13-15

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**Author's note: The "entires" are getting a little longer. I still want them to be believable as journal entries but I also want to include some more content to better tell the story. This one is a bit longer. I'm worried it will start looking like someone telling a story rather than someone writing in a journal. Anyways, thanks for reading so far, I hope you're enjoying it. **

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Entry #13 - 08-27-2026 (Thursday)

The week so far has flown by. Allison and I have been spending most of our free time together. Some of my guy-friends are giving be crap saying that I am whipped, but I don't care. I'm so thankful that she has come into my life.

On a different note, training has been tough lately. Our "History of Skynet" section has been exceptionally challenging. Of course, Allison aced the pop-quiz that we received yesterday. I don't know how she knows so much about Skynet and every Terminator model ever made, but she is a whiz at this stuff.

Entry #14 - 08-28-2026 (Friday)

Our weapons tactics instructor Lt. Derek Reese approached me today. He told me that he had noticed Allison and I spending a lot of time together, and that we were obviously an item. He warned me about becoming attached to someone in this war. I have to question his advice tough since I see him with a woman sometimes. I think her name is Jesse. How can he tell me to not get attached when he himself has some sort of girlfriend? I wonder if there is another reason why he is intervening. He doesn't say anything about other student's relationships, so why Allison and I? Does he know something I don't?

At any rate, I'm not worried about him. I have another date with Allison tonight, so I have to get ready.

Entry #15 - 08-28-2026 (Saturday)

Oh Jesus. My hands are trembling as I recall everything that transpired yesterday. Everything started out just fine. We met in the tunnels just like last time, and even went to the surface to the same area. I felt a bit dumb taking her to the same place as our last date, but she insisted, saying that it was the best time she'd had in months and wanted to do it again.

We sat and watched the sunset again, just like last weekend, and we even started to kiss some again. Unfortunately we didn't get too far into that part of the date when we heard the sound of plasma rifle fire. We scrambled to a vantage point where we could see what was going on. There were a pair of T-800's marching toward our position... they had somehow figured out where we were. It was the pineapple can! We left it there last weekend. The metal bastards must have found it and added that location as a patrol checkpoint.

It shouldn't have surprised me that Allison had a plasma grenade on her. She always seems to be prepared for anything. She tossed the plasma grenade at the metal duo and knocked them both over. I think it may have killed one of them, but we didn't stick around to watch. As soon as the grenade went off, we ran like hell to get back to the hidden hatch leading into the tunnels. We dove behind some cover, but a plasma rifle round hit the concrete barrier just as we dove behind it. I made it just fine, but Allison got hit with some nasty shrapnel. I looked at her in horror as I saw a piece of rusty iron sticking into her thigh. I about fainted when she gritted her teeth and yanked it out! What tough girl!

I helped her into the hatch and put her arm around my shoulders to help her limp through the tunnels. I wanted to take her to the general infirmary to treat her wound, but she refused. She said there were better medical facilities at her home. I didn't understand this. How could she have medical facilities at her home? I didn't question her though, and helped her walk to her home.

Most of us just have a small area with a makeshift bed, and some personal possessions around it that we call our "home". Hers was different. Hers had an actual door. She gave a secret knock, then had to recite a verbal code to the person on the other side, who looked through the little eye-slot hole in the door.

She led the way through the corridors until we came upon a medical room that was cleaner than anything I had ever seen. She was immediately met with a medic who began examining her injured thigh. She gripped my hand hard and winced in pain as the medic probed around in her wound with a pliers and a flashlight looking for more bits of shrapnel.

Soon an older gentleman came into the medical room. I recognized him from the speech he gave at out class assembly a couple seeks ago. It was General Connor himself! I assumed we must have been in some top-level resistance compound based on the how everything was organized and clean, so seeing John Connor there made sense. What didn't make sense was how Allison had access to this place. Then she spoke.

"Daddy!" She yelled when she saw John enter the room.

"Allie!" he called back, as he ran up and hugged her. "What happened?" he asked in a tone that was both worried and scolding.

"We were on the surface...near the ocean. Two T-800s attacked us." She told him.

When Connor heard this he was furious. He scolded her harshly. He reminded her of how many times he'd told her to never go to the surface alone. When she told him that she wasn't alone, but with me, he turned and glared at me with a fire in his eyes that could have melted steel. I actually thought he might kill me right there. Well, he didn't kill me, but he did backhand me. Hard. My face hurts like hell right now, and I'm sure I'll have a black eye in the morning.

John had grabbed me by the shirt and had his arm wound up to deliver a knock-out punch to my face. He was demanding to know why I would be so stupid as to put his daughter in danger like that. Allison grabbed his arm before he could hit me again. She pleaded with him to stop, saying that going topside was her idea. She also told him that I helped her get back to the hatch after she was wounded. This seemed to calm him down some, but only enough to let go of my shirt and lower his fist. He was still furious with both Allison and I. He demanded that I "get the hell out". Despite Allison's protests, I obeyed the man's orders and left.

I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that John Connor is Allison's father. Adopted father. I guess since she calls him "dad" or "daddy" she thinks of him as her father. I suppose that explains why she knows everything about the machines, and could pretty much teach our TechCom classes. That will happen when your father is the leader of humanity. Jesus...What a great first impression I made.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal

Chapter 5: Entries 16-17

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**Author's note: Serving up a couple more cameos in this addition. Enjoy!  
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Entry #16 - 08-29-2026 (Sunday)

While moping around the tunnels today, I happened to cross paths with the Reese-boys. They were sitting on the ground playing cards and apparently gambling with Terminator CPUs as poker chips. Derek had a bigger pile than Kyle did and was gloating, teasing Kyle for not being able to keep a straight poker face. Kyle spitefully told him that Derek needed them more than he did anyway, since he now had a cushy teaching job and wouldn't be pulling any out of the heads of dead Terminators any time soon. I chuckled a little at their brotherly banter as I passed by them.

I was almost beyond them when I felt a hand grab my arm and stop me in my tracks. Kyle was pulling me down and was insisting that I sit in for a few hands. I told them I didn't have any chips to play with, but they both said it was OK, and that I'd just have to write them IOUs for everything I lost to them.

Great. Now I'm in debt six T-800 CPUs, two T-888 chips and one T-X chip. But my newly acquired debt isn't the point of this journal entry. What is making me push this pen around on the paper is the conversation I had with them as they were taking my "money".

First, Derek began heckling me about my black-eye. "What happened? You get in a fight with a doorknob?"

Kyle was next to take a shot. "No... I bet Allison punched him when he tried to put the moves on her. Feisty little brat, that one," he said, laughing.

I wanted to defend myself, but what could I say? The truth? That would give away Allison's secret. How about the half truth? "Her father smacked me when I brought her home too late last night."

"Yeah... Connor's got a bit of a temper... and one hell of a right hook," Kyle said.

I was completely taken aback by his comment. They knew Connor was her dad? I suppose it shouldn't surprise me too much. The Reese-boys, (especially Kyle) are a lot closer to Connor than any other TechCom soldiers that I know of. It's almost like they're family or something.

Derek then informed me that they had heard the entire story from John this morning. He also told me that John is extremely protective of Allison. Derek was surprised that I was still alive, considering I was partially responsible for Allison's injury. "If all Connor did was give you a black eye, then he must like you," Derek laughed.

Gee...there's a comforting thought.

Entry #17 - 08-30-2026 (Monday)

It was after lunchtime by the time Allison made it to class today. She had a walking cane that she used to help support her left side as she limped into the classroom. The instructor asked if she had some sort of note to excuse her tardiness. She gave her a dumbfounded look that said "Are you serious?" The whole class started to stifle their laughter when she told the instructor "yeah...here's my note, right here," and pointed to the bandages wrapped around her thigh with her middle finger. I couldn't help but grin with mixture of surprise and pride. Kyle was right. She _is_ a "feisty little brat". The instructor then demanded to see Allison after class.

I waited around for her once our daily lessons were done. She was held after class for only a couple minutes.

I smiled at her and teased, "Hey...how'd it go in there? Teacher read you the riot act for making her look dumb in from of the whole class?"

"Ha, yea." Allison shook her head while grinning. "Miss Fields has always had such a stick up her ass." She continued, rolling her eyes, "her younger sister is late all the time, and she never gives her any grief...preferential treatment I guess."

"Hey...if she only knew who you were..." I started to say before Allison cut me off sharply, by covering my mouth with her hand.

"About that," she began, looking around suspiciously. "No one can find out. If you tell anyone, or even HINT to anyone who my dad is, I'll ram this cane down your throat and feed you to Wolfie, my dad's German Shepherd."

She had such a fire in her eyes, I was genuinely frightened for a couple seconds. But just as fast as her eyes had filled with seriousness and fury, they melted back to their usual aura of warmth and sweetness when she removed her hand from my mouth and promptly leaned forward to give me a quick kiss. "...but, I trust you."

"Umm... Allison?" I stared to cautiously speak, not wanting to be impaled on a walking stick. "I... I think the Reese brothers already know." I winced a bit, waiting for her to explode. Much to my relief, she said, "oh...don't worry about them. Derek has pretty much been a big-brother to me since I was little. And Kyle... well... He's the kind of bad influence that Dad's been trying to keep me away from. At any rate...they've both known forever, so don't worry about it."

Needless to say, I let out a huge sigh of contentment.

Allison then said she needed to get home immediately. I guess her dad, John, has her under strict lock and key after what happened Saturday night. I've never been grounded, but then again, I've never really had any parental units in my life either.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal**

**Chapter 6: Entry 18**

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Entry #18 - 09-02-2026 (Wednesday)

Much to my dismay, when I arrived back to my part of the tunnel after class today, someone was there rummaging through my tings. She saw me approaching and took off running. I quickly looked in my box to see if anything was missing, and saw that my journal was missing! I quickly chased after the thief, but she had a good head start. I finally caught up to her at a dead end in the tunnel system. She backed up against a wall and cowered when I approached her, afraid I was going to beat and/or kill her. I honestly didn't care about hitting her as long as I got my journal back.

"Give it back," I ordered.

"Give what back?" she asked me, her blue eyes darting around to any place by my own. Unbelievable. She was obviously afraid of me, yet she was still denying taking it.

I grabbed her shirt in my fist and pulled her close to me, forcing her to look into my eyes. "You know damn well what."

"oh...that. I don't have it on me."

"I just saw you take it. Now stop playing games!"

"I took it earlier, and hid it. I was just waiting for you to come back."

She was talking in some sort of playful tone now, like this was all a game. I was not in the mood for games. "Then why did you run from me?"

"Because it's more fun this way," she answered my questions in a devilishly coy tone. She _was_ playing a game. Great. This was all I needed.

I sighed, realizing that she was holding the cards now. I had to get the journal back. Not only because it contained my personal thoughts, but because it contains Allison's secret. I was in deep regret ever putting it into writing at that point. "Did you read any of it?"

"Just the first few entries. Enough to know that you and that Allison girl are looovvveeerrrs."

Was this really happening? Was I seriously getting teased for having a girlfriend by some kleptomaniac tunnel-rat who's so filthy her blond hair almost looks brown?

"What to do you want?"

"I want... I want you to kiss me."

"Are you insane?" I asked her. Of course I knew the answer to that...yes.

"Maybe," she responded, "but that's the price. One kiss for one journal. And if you want me to forget everything I read, then I want you to kiss me like my mouth is full of pineapples."

That made no sense, but it conveyed the message loud and clear... she HAD read my journal. What choice did I have? I wanted to just slap her and walk away, but then she'd still have my journal. I could have started breaking her fingers until she told me where she'd hidden it, but there is no way I could ever bring myself to torture another human being, no matter how repulsive they were.

"I'm waiting. Act fast before the price goes up to... something else involving your mouth."

I didn't want to ponder what she might have in mind, so I agreed to her original offer. "Alright. Let's get this over with then." I pulled her to me and planted my lips on hers. I never imagined that kissing a girl would be something I would find to revolting. I was about to recoil after only a half second of contact when I remembered that it was possible that she had read far enough to know Allison's secret. If I wanted her to keep her mouth shut, I was going to have to really sell this kiss.

In order to do anything but gag on her horrid breath, I closed my eyes and imagined that it was Allison that I was holding. It was difficult, but I managed. I managed well. If I was an actor, I would have won an award for that kiss. Strangely, I was actually impressed with my performance. To be feeling absolutely repulsed but acting with such loving passion surely took some level of talent. It definitely fooled her. She still had her eyes closed and kept her head tilted to the side, savoring her payment even after I had pulled away and looked at her. I waited for her to finally open her eyes, then said, "ok... you got what you wanted, now where's my journal?"

She grinned menacingly at me and lifted up her shirt, revealing the journal tucked into the waistband on her pants. She had it all along! She handed it to me and I just stood there dumbfounded. How could I have been so stupid to fall for that? I wanted to kill her right then, but all I could do was stare, stupidly at her as she smirked victoriously and walked past me. When I turned around to watch her walk away, all feelings of stupidity were forgotten and replaced with absolute horror. The blood drained out of my face and my mouth hung open, unable to vocalize any words. About ten feet away stood Allison.

How much had she seen? I could tell by the look in her eyes that she'd seen enough.

"uh-oh... busted," the tunnel-rat playfully quipped as she saw Allison. She even giggled a little. This was all a game to her after all. She felt she'd won this round, and she flashed Allison a cocky smile when she strode past her.

"Hey Riley..." Allison said just after she passed her. When the tunnel-rat (who I guess Allison somehow knows as Riley) turned around, she was immediately met with Allison's fist to her face. I gasped a little when I watched Allison completely knock Riley out with one punch. When she turned back to me, I could see on her cheek the wet trail of a tear that had fallen.

My heart fell into my stomach when she simply turned around and walked away without saying a word to me. I walked after her and pleaded for her forgiveness. I told her it was all an act; that this "Riley" had tricked me.

She stopped walking and spun around to look at me with angered, teary eyes. "I know!"

"You know?"

"Yes. I was coming to visit you after class, and saw you run off after her. I followed and hung back in the shadows and watched. I... I wanted to see how you'd handle... _her_." She said "her" as though she knew something I didn't.

"I don't understand," I told her.

"She's been known to do this kind of thing," Allison began. "She's a clepto, and a... a devious BITCH! I can't believe you made out with her! And for a stupid book?!? So what if she knew about us? Is that such a dark secret to you?" Tears were welling up in her eyes again.

She thought I was ashamed of our relationship? How could she possibly think that?

"What? No! Our relationship isn't a dark secret. Of course not. Come on, Allie. There are times I just want to run down these tunnels shouting that I'm in love with Allison Young." I bit my tongue after saying that. The "L" word slipped out.

A bit of shock came over her face. "You're... Really? That's... I..." she stammered. She then took a deep breath and poised herself. Squinting her eyes, she stiffly drilled her pointer finger into my chest and said, "That doesn't get you off the hook. You still kissed that bitch, and for nothing more than your stupid 'dear-diary'!"

"I had to get it back..."

"Why? What's so goddamned important in there that you would..."

"Your father's identity," I interrupted. "I wrote about what happened last Saturday night."

She gave me an incredulous glare. "What?! How could you be so careless?"

"I'm sorry! I thought that discovering that I was dating the daughter of the savior of mankind was kind of a big deal, so I wrote about it! I never thought I would get blackmailed with it."

She let out a sigh. "You're an idiot."

I was so embarrassed. I didn't know what to say.

"...but you're _my_ idiot," she said, looking up at be with a slight smile. She once again demonstrated her ability to go from venomously angry to heart-meltingly sweet in a matter of seconds. She then leaned in and kissed me. I'll never tire of those sweet lips.

"So, what should I do with this?" I asked her, holding up this journal.

"Burn it, idiot."

Only her mixture of sweetness and sarcasm could make being called "idiot" seem so endearing.

"Alright. I'll do it when we get back."

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Well, here I sit, writing in a journal that I am about to incinerate. Maybe I don't have to burn it. If I just hide it better, then I can continue to write in it. Now that I think about it, leaving it in the box by my bed was not very smart at all. Idiot indeed. I think I'll hide it somewhere on the surface. Somewhere hard to get to. I just won't be able to make daily entries any more. Maybe I'll bury it somewhere and dig it up every couple months or so to write in it. I'll figure that out later.

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**Author's notes: Okay...so I kinda stole the idea of the blackmail kiss from the second Matrix movie. And I was going to have him actually burn the journal ast first, and just start a new one for subsequent entries, but then how could you possibly be reading it if it were burned? This works out better anyway, since now he can only write every so often in it, so the timeline will progress much faster.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal**

**Chapter 7: Entry 19**

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Author's note: Here's the first of the "accelerated pace" journal entries. I'm trying to keep each chapter at a minimum of 1,000 words so it's actually worht reading**  
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Entry #19 - 01-05-2027 

It's been about four months since my last entry. I had become accustomed to writing every couple of days, so it seems like so much has happened since last fall. Burying this journal topside in a pile of rubble was a good idea, but it's risky to come out here just to get to it. My training has come a long way though, and we are all much better at avoiding metal when up topside. It's nice to get out of the tunnels every now and then anyway. Speaking of which, I can't believe it's snowing right now. I've never seen snow before in my life. Of course, it's all melting as soon as it hits the ground, but the world seems so tranquil with the white fluffy flakes filling the air and gently floating to the ground.

I wish we could have had the Christmas party out here in the snow. I had never really been to a Christmas party before since I grew up without any real family. John invited me to celebrate Christmas with him, his wife Kate, Allison, Derek and Kyle. He has warmed up to me quite a bit since our first meeting when I brought Allison home injured. He even lets Allison and I go out on dates now... not that there are really any places to go. We learned our lesson about going topside, so we usually just find a secluded corner of the tunnel system and make out until we fall asleep in each other's arms. No complaints here.

Anyway... the Christmas party was great. I don't know where the hell they got it, but the Reese boys killed a duck for us to cook and share. That was sure nice of them. I think it was the best meal I've eaten for some time.

They all exchanged gifts too...well sort of. Derek told Kyle he'd let him win a game of cards sometime, and Kyle gave Derek a punch to the stomach. John wrote a lovely poem for Kate and read it to her. I never would have thought that a hardened soldier like John Connor had a softer side like that. I wish I was creative enough to do that for Allison, because sometimes just telling her I love her doesn't seem to convey what a well written poem could. Kate didn't have anything to give John right then... she just told him that she'd "give him his present... later" with a mischievous grin. Allison shot me a horrified look, and deliberately gagged upon hearing this, which made Derek, Kyle and I all snicker.

Allison gave me a bracelet made out of some kind of braided wire. I'm not that big on jewelry, but she has one just like it, so we match and that makes it special. I didn't have anything to give to her. I felt bad since everyone else seemed to have at least SOMETHING to give to someone. She told me not to feel bad, and that just being there for her was a good enough gift. Well... that's sweet of her to say that, but I still feel like I dropped the ball. I don't really have anything TO give though. I could have given her my pen, but then I'd have nothing to write with.

A few days later was new year's eve. There was another party, only this time, the entire resistance seemed to be in on it. The tunnels were abuzz with people ringing in the new year in various ways. The Reese boys once again came through in providing a treat to share, but this time it wasn't a rare food to eat. It was a large bottle of grain alcohol. I guess some guys north of the city (or what used to be the city of LA) have a small distillery operation set up. The liquor they made was clear like water, but burned like fire on the way down. I couldn't believe that people actually drank this stuff for fun. It was like poison. Derek and Kyle obviously had a little experience with the stuff though, because they barely flinched when they took shots. They talked me into talking three shots with them. I started to feel pretty dizzy about 5 minutes later. I then understood why people drank alcohol. It was like I was floating. Nothing hurt either. I distinctly remember tripping and falling on the hard concrete ground and just giggling. Derek and Kyle picked me up and walked around with me hanging onto their shoulders singing stupid drinking songs that I don't think either of them knew the words to. Of course in my drunken state, I thought I knew all the words, and also that I was the world's best singer. That's when I got the bright idea to sing Allison a song for her belated Christmas present.

I wish I could remember what I sang to her. My memory is fuzzy, but I think I remember the lyric "baby, you're hotter than plasma". Good God. I'm pretty sure that was not the only ridiculously cheesy line, since Derek and Kyle were in stitches laughing before I was done. Allison was laughing too, but she seemed to think that despite its lameness, it was cute and sweet. At least it earned me barrage of kisses from her. It also earned us all another round of shots. Then another. By this time the only things I remember are like snapshots; small little clips of memory. One of which was Derek putting a boot on his head like a hat, and telling John that I was almost as drunk as John was on his 30th birthday. I also recall Kyle showing off his picture of Sarah Connor, telling everyone how much of a M.I.L.F. she is. I bet he regrets that. I remember seeing Kate and John kissing at midnight, and subsequently Derek looking at Kyle saying "you try to kiss me and I'll F****** kill you". Allison must have been feeling the effects of alcohol quite a bit too, since during our new-years kiss, she started... how can I say this?... "grinding" against me in ways she never had before.

I'm pretty sure we attempted to take our relationship to the next level that night, however removing clothing proved to be too difficult of a concept for either of our drunk selves. I woke up with my belt undone, my shirt half pulled over my head and tangled up in my arms. It felt like I was in a straight jacket. Allison had managed to get a little farther than I did, as her pants were around her ankles and half pulled off of one leg, but the pant leg was stuck on her boot. I laugh about our awkward position now, but at the time, the worst headache in the history of mankind was preventing me from seeing the humor of the situation.

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**Author's note: I was kinda wanting to do a "holidays episode" so here's my feeble attempt. I hope you are all enjoying it and I appreciate the comments given so far.  
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	8. Chapter 8

**Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal**

**Chapter 8: Entries 20-22  
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Entry #20 - February 27th, 2027 

It's official. I'm no longer a trainee. I am now an official TechCom Soldier. Rank: Private. Serial Number: 10261984. The graduation ceremony was last week. John gave another speech to us all, preparing us for what lies ahead as a soldier. The man sure has a way with words, and can really rally the troops for battle. When we all left the ceremony, I think most of us were jumping out of our skin to crawl up over the piles of burnt out rubble and start taking down metal. But I don't think many from our graduating class have been on any real, topside missions yet. A few have... the people at the top of the class were instantly promoted to Corporal. Allison was one of them, which didn't surprise me one bit. She has been topside a couple times now, mostly just doing recon and surveying stuff, but still... that's more exciting than what I'm doing. I'm still stuck in the tunnels on prison guard duty.

I guess they needed some extra personnel in the lock up anyway though, because a couple of days ago there was a big bust. There was like 20 Greys exposed when their names were pulled off the chip of a captured T-888. They are all in the brig now waiting for their execution. One of them worries me though. I recognize one of them as someone I saw talking to Riley on a couple occasions. God I hope she didn't tell them anything about Allison. I know that bitch read some of my journal, but I'm not sure if she knew that John is Allison's father or not. I questioned the Grey that Riley was talking to and asked him what she had told him. He wouldn't talk so I knocked a few of his teeth out with the butt of my plasma rifle. He just spat some blood at me and told me "You're all going to die," as he smiled a bloody grin at me. If the machines know about Allison and John, I'm afraid they'll try to use her to get to him. If that happened I'd never forgive myself for creating this stupid journal.

Entry #21 - March 30th, 2027 

After a month or so of worrying, thankfully nothing has happened. The captured Greys have been executed, and there have been no attempts to kill or abduct Allison. Maybe the machines never got that tidbit of information. I've been sleeping a little better with each day that passes. The worrying will never stop though, I'm afraid. I've already heard of four of my classmates that have been confirmed as killed, and 2 missing in action (which they say, is a fate much MUCH worse than death). I can only imagine what the machines do to people in their interrogation rooms, or when they harvest body parts like eyes and teeth from prisoners to use on their infiltrator units. It makes me nauseous to think about it.

On a brighter note, Allison was on a scouting mission last week and spotted an entire battalion of T-800 Terminators headed toward our base camp a couple miles out. Her intel saved all of our asses because we were able to set traps along the way and take down all of the T-800s without a single human casualty. She wouldn't have spotted them if she had remained at her post like she was supposed to. She ventured farther out, and saw them coming. She was reprimanded for disobedience, but promoted to Lieutenant for her bravery and accomplishment. With the promotion in rank, she gets her own private quarters. It's barely big enough to fit a cot and a locker, but it's more than most of us have ever had. We have already taken advantage of having a private room to go to. Let me just say, that there is something extremely sexy about a commanding officer ordering you to remove your pants. God I love that woman.

Entry #22 - May 14th, 2027 

My heart is feeling starved lately. Allison has been relocated to a bunker in West Hollywood. I guess some of their officers were killed in a raid, and she is relocating there as a temporary substitute until she can pick out some lower ranking enlistees to promote to officer status. She claimed it would only be about 4 weeks, and then she'd be back. Before she left, I went to John asking why he couldn't assign someone else. All that accomplished was getting myself backhanded again (I had forgotten how much that hurt), and told not to question authority. I suppose he has his reasons, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with him.

The night before she left, we made love so sweet and so tender. It wouldn't be a stretch at all to claim that it was the best night of my life. Cradling her in my arms as our naked bodies kept each other warm was a feeling that transcends any kind of description I could possibly hope to give. She promised she'd come back to me even if she had to commit treason and desert her position in West Hollywood. I told her that if she did, I'd run away with her, and we would be fugitives together. I'm sure it won't come to that, since all she has to do is train in some new officers, but I already miss her dearly and it's only been one week.


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal**

**Chapter 9: Entries 23-26**

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Author's note: This chapter is quite dark. I wouldn't say it's "M" rated, but more like "T+" for some language and implied violence.

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Entry #23 - 06-27-2027 

I'm becoming very worried. I have not heard from Allison for nearly two months now. I went to John expressing my concern. He tried to act indifferent about it, but I could tell he was as worried as I am. My gut started to churn even more when he informed me that he had heard nothing from the West Hollywood bunker in over 3 weeks. Usually, a message runner will send status reports every week or two, but three weeks without any contact is rare. I volunteered to run there myself as a scout and check things out, then bring back a status report. He agreed, so I am setting out tomorrow at dusk.

Entry #24 - 07-04-2027

Everyone was dead. The whole place. Burnt out. Some areas caved in. Bodies everywhere. I searched the entire place for two days but I didn't see Allison or, God forbid, her body anywhere. I don't know what to do. I am writing this on my way back to my own bunker, and I have no idea how to tell John that over 60 resistance soldiers have been Terminated. I have no idea how to tell him that his only daughter is MIA. My God. I can only hope and pray that she escaped, and is in hiding.

Entry #25 - 08-22-2027

After over a month and a half of hearing nothing of Allison's whereabouts from any bunkers or camps in the region, and several search parties turning up empty handed, Allison was declared officially MIA and assumed dead. John held a small memorial service earlier today. It's only fitting... today is her birthday. She would have been 19.

I thought that the memorial service would have helped me... provided a little closure, but it only made everything worse. Much more sorrow came flooding in when Derek and Kyle each spoke about she had grown from their kid sister into a great young soldier. Katherine broke down into tears while reciting her own impromptu eulogy. John sat silently in the back of the room during the whole thing.

John hasn't spoken a word to me for several days. The last thing he said to me was "I'm sorry. It had to be this way." I didn't then, and still don't understand what he meant. Did he think it was fate? He is always such a proponent of the "No Fate" mantra. It doesn't make any sense. He's become a bit reclusive in the last couple of weeks, and his presence at Allison's memorial was the only time I, Derek or Kyle had seen him recently. I think he is blaming himself for sending her to West Hollywood. I don't know... maybe it IS partially his fault. He knew the machines had raided that bunker before, so they would likely be back. He sent her anyway. But, I shouldn't place blame. If I start to blame John for sending her there, then I would have to start blaming myself for her being taken alive by the machines instead of terminated with the rest of the West Hollywood soldiers. I would have to start assuming that they knew about her being John's daughter, and then would have to assume that they captured her for interrogation purposes. I try not to think about it, but every time my mind wanders to the possibility of her being tortured by those metal motherfuckers, I want to cry, puke, and put a bullet in my brain all at the same time.

Entry #26 9-01-2027

I've been going topside a lot lately. I'm almost hoping to be spotted by the machines and terminated. I've visited the beach where Allison and I first kissed, and I've returned to my journal's hiding place a couple of times just to read my earlier entries. I was hoping that reading about a time in my life when I was truly happy would help make the pain go away, or at least numb it for a little while. It doesn't. Every time I think about her it feels like a knife in my chest. I'm having nightmares now too. I can't make it through the night without waking up in a cold sweat, screaming. The dream is always the same. Allison is chained to a table, and a pair of chrome T-800s are taking her apart piece by piece. I can only stand there and watch; listening to her screams and pleas for mercy. The dream always ends the same way too. She always looks over to me and says "I'll see you in hell," right before one of the machines breaks her neck with its bare hand. Maybe hell is where I belong.

I'm so sorry, Allie. I miss you, and can't shed enough tears for you. I loved you so much. I wish I could tell you that one last time.

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**Author's Note: I normally don't assign theme music to my fanfics, but this one seemed to fit this chapter quite well.**

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"Gone Away" - By The Offspring

Maybe in another life

I could find you there

Pulled away before your time

I can't deal it's so unfair

And it feels

And it feels like

Heaven's so far away

And it feels

Yeah it feels like

The world has grown cold

Now that you've gone away

Leaving flowers on your grave

Show that I still care

But black roses and Hail Mary's

Can't bring back what's taken from me

I reach to the sky

And call out your name

And if I could trade

I would

And it feels

And it feels like

Heaven's so far away

And it stings

Yeah it stings now

The world is so cold

Now that you've gone away

Gone away, gone away, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oooooo, yeah oooooo, oooooo, Ohh yeah.

I'll Save Your Soul

Whoa. Yeaaaaaeeeaaeah. Mm.

I reach to the sky

And call out your name

Oh please let me trade

I would

And it feels

And it feels like

Heaven's so far away

And it feels

Yeah it feels like

The world has grown cold

Now that you've gone away

Gone away, gone away, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oooooo, yeah oooooo, oooooo, Ohh yeah.

Oooooo, yeah oooooo, oooooo, Ohh yeah.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal**

**Chapter 10: Entries 27-28**

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Entry #27 9-27-2027

I think I am going certifiably insane. Not only have the nightmares continued, but now I am starting to see Allison when I'm awake. I'll notice a girl walking by with brown, wavy locks of hair, and think that it's her. After a few embarrassing instances of me grabbing the women's shoulders to turn them around and seeing a face I don't recognize, I have learned to ignore these "visions". Now, whenever I think I see her face, I just close my eyes and take a second look. It's never her. It can't be. She's gone. Why won't my mind accept that? Is it because some idiot part of my brain actually believed her? Believed her when she told be on the morning she left for West Hollywood; "I promise I'll come back... no matter what happens".

I was getting pretty good at ignoring the tricks my mind is playing on me, up until a few hours ago. I saw her. Not just a split second vision. Not just seeing her likeness in some other woman's face. It was her. I stared for at least 30 seconds. It was her. That hair... those eyes... those lips... It was her. She was passing through the mess hall while I was trying to choke down my nutrient-paste lunch. I did a double take when I saw her. Then a triple take. I kind of assumed I was seeing either a ghost or a hallucination, but it couldn't have been. One person bumped into her shoulder as she passed and said "pardon me" to her. People can't bump into a ghost or a hallucination. Whatever I was looking at, it was definitely real, and not in my head.

I stood up from my lunch table and walked after her. I followed her down a hallway until she reached a door leading to a restricted area. She leaned over to let the retinal scanner near the door shine into her eyes. There was a metallic clunk as the door's lock actuated, and she was about to step through it when I grabbed her arm, turning her around. "Allison?!?" I said. I was feeling a mixture of joy and confusion when she turned around and I got a good look at her face close up. It was definitely her... but something seemed off. Her eyes had a peculiar absence of life. She had the blankest stare I had ever seen, but I didn't care. I continued, "Allison! I can't believe it. I'm so glad to see you. I knew you'd come back to me. I knew..."

"Who are you?" She said coldly. "My name is Cameron. You must have me mistaken for someone else."

I was in shock. Did she really not know who I was? Why did she call herself "Cameron"? I wanted to talk to her more, but no words would come to my mouth. I stood there staring as blankly as she was. She didn't wait for my response for more than a couple seconds before turning back around, passing through the restricted door and closing it behind her.

She had no idea who I was. I can't believe it. The machines... they must have brainwashed her. This is some new form of mental torture that I can't deal with. It's as though God is teasing me. Dangling the fruit in from of my face only to snatch it away as soon as I grab for it. How could she forget me completely? I need to talk to someone who would understand. I should talk to Derek. He was pretty broken up about Allison's presumed death. She was like a little sister to him. I wonder if he knows she's alive.

Entry #28 9-29-2027

I went to go talk to Derek yesterday, but after I saw him, I didn't want to bring up the topic of Allison. He looked so distressed and depressed; I didn't want to stir up any other sorrowful thoughts in his mind. I would be pretty broken up too if I had just lost my brother to the machines. Poor Derek. No one can even tell him what happened to Kyle. All anyone knows (or is willing to tell) is that he was on a high profile mission to Topanga Canyon... trying to destroy some new Skynet superweapon. Kyle was one of several that didn't come home. Kyle had become somewhat of a friend of mine as well, but the pain I feel for his death must pale in comparison to Derek's grief.

"They even had METAL working with them. I bet one of them turned on Kyle. Those bastards!" Derek said to me with puffy red eyes. Metal? Working WITH them? Derek explained that Connor has started reprogramming tin-cans to work for us, but sometimes they go bad. Derek witnessed it first hand one night in the bunker. I was topside doing some recon when it went down so I didn't see it, but I heard it was awful... It was just mowing people down with a machine gun. He seemed to have something else to tell me about that incident, but was reluctant. Maybe the idea of a "good" machine turning on him reminded him of the probable cause of Kyle's death, and pained him to talk about it any more. I'm not sure what else he would have told me, but it must not have been important so I didn't press it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal**

**Chapter 11: Entries 29-30**

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Entry #29 10-03-2027

I saw her again. This time she just seemed to be patrolling the armory in the main barracks area. I stopped her again and looked into her empty eyes. It pained me so much to see her like this. Allison was once to full of life. So "feisty" as Kyle had said. Now, she seemed to be as blank as a machine. I started to get choked up thinking about what she must have gone through to make her this way. "Allison..." I choked.

"I told you four days ago. My name is not Allison. It's Cameron. You must have mistaken me for..."

I shook her shoulders before she could finish and pleaded with her. "No! Allison. Allie. Please. You have to remember. I loved... I love you." I stared deep into her hollow eyes as I spoke, and for a brief moment, I saw life return to them. It wasn't for more than a few seconds, but for that moment in time I saw my Allie return to me. I saw not only life, but love in her eyes as they started to glisten with tears. "Allie?" I said, meekly, almost scared of the response I would get. Her mouth hung open for a second before uttering a sound.

"I..." was all she got out before her face went completely devoid of any emotion again. I could almost see Allison being dragged away from me down a dark tunnel, clawing at the floor until she was out of sight and all I was left staring at were the black-holes of lifeless nothingness that were this... _Cameron's_ pupils. I wanted to scream. It was like losing her all over again.

"You need to leave this area unless you have a signed order for a munitions withdrawal."

"What? No! You can't do this to me! Allison! Come back!" I protested, but all she did was grab the collar of my shirt and lead me to the door of the armory. She shoved me through the door and slammed it behind me. All I could do to restrain myself from breaking down and weeping right there was to start punching the concrete wall with my bare fists and scream "No! No! No!!! No!!!"

After a few blows to the concrete, my knuckles were beginning to bleed. Before I could hurt myself any more, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and a voice behind me saying, "Hey. There's something you need to know." I turned around to see that the owner of the voice was General Connor.

He told me everything. A couple weeks ago, a search and rescue team had brought Allison back to the bunker. She appeared to be nearly dead, and was reported to have been mumbling that she wanted to see her father. It wasn't Allison at all. It was a machine. A goddamned machine built to look exactly like Allison. She... _IT_ killed six guards and two medics when she/it re-activated when John entered the infirmary. It would have killed him and completed its mission if John had not electrocuted her/it with a high-powered stun-gun and promptly removed her/its CPU. Over the course of a week, John reprogrammed it and scrubbed its memories. He said it had detailed files on Allison. It knew everything about her, and had a complete personality copy of Allison in its "brain". Maybe that's what I saw back at the armory. This "Allison persona" built into Cameron's chip, must have resurfaced momentarily. But how? John said he scrubbed the memory of Allison from her chip.

I asked him if its chip had any information on Allison's current whereabouts. I was almost sure of the answer, but I needed to know. I needed closure. I needed to know if that thing walking around was the last entity of Allison's existence, or if she was still alive somewhere. He didn't have to answer though. The sadness in his expression and the heartbreak in his eyes told me that he had seen things on Cameron's chip that no father should ever have to witness. I felt sorrier for him at that point than I did for myself.

When I asked him how I could have seen Allison's persona resurface momentarily when I confronted Cameron, he admitted that he did not delete the personality function; only Cameron's memories of Allison. He told me he couldn't bear to delete "Allison", because it was all he had left of his daughter. Even though it's not really Allison, and even though I know it's just a program, I kind of understand where he is coming from. I find myself wanting to go find Cameron in hopes that I might spend another few seconds with my Allie. I know this isn't mentally healthy, but I can't help it.

"John," I told him, "You need to delete 'Allison', for both our sakes." He turned his head away from me to hide that fact that he couldn't fight back his tears any longer, but I saw a drop of clear liquid fall to the floor.

"I know," he responded.

Entry #29 11-27-2027

It's been nearly two months now, and I'm just starting to get over the initial grief enough to be able to write about how it played out.

The day after John and I had our talk about deleting "Allison" from Cameron's chip, I set out to find Cameron to possibly get one last moment with "Allison" before she would be deleted. Of all places, I found her standing outside Allison's old quarters, just staring at the door. Our conversation went something like this:

"Cameron? What are you doing here?"

"I don't know. Something about this location seems significant."

Was she remembering? I had no idea. "It's the door to Allison's quarters. Do you remember Allison?" I asked her.

"No. However I have a personality function titled 'Allison Young' locked in a secure sector of my chip. She was someone you knew?"

"Yes. She was my girlfriend... well... more than that. We were lovers, and I'm sure that she would have one day been my wife if she hadn't been..." I couldn't finish the sentence.

"Cameron, how come Allison's personality resurfaced the other day when I was talking to you? And why did it only stay active for a few seconds?" Immediately I realized that I had just called a Terminator by name, and referred to my lost love as an "it". It was disgusting.

"Something you said triggered a response from the personality function known as 'Allison Young', causing it to attempt to take control."

"Attempt?"

"Yes. It was not successful. If it were to take full control of my motor functions, it would be very difficult to regain control of myself. Usually a hard-reset is required to relinquish control back to the base program," she explained.

"How does one perform a hard-reset," I asked, innocently.

"The most common and simplest method is to remove my main CPU chip, wait a few seconds for the memory buffers to clear, then reinsert it and reactivate me."

After a few seconds of contemplation, I took a deep breath and said, "Cameron?"

"Yes?" she responded with an inquisitive look.

"I... I'd like to say goodbye to Allison."

She tilted her head slightly. "You wish for me to relinquish control to the Allison Young persona?"

"Yes. I'll do a hard reset when I'm finished. I swear."

She nodded, but with reluctance. "Okay."

I opened the door to Allison's quarters and motioned Cameron to step inside also, then closed the door once she was inside. "Alright, I'm ready," I told her.

After a few seconds, her face changed. Not physically really, but just...changed. I don't know how else to explain it. Allison was back. I couldn't stop myself from embracing and kissing her on the lips. Yes... I was kissing a machine, but I didn't care. At that moment she wasn't a machine to me... she wasn't "Cameron running a program of Allison". She _was_ Allison. I was thoroughly happy to be reunited with her, and at the same time I marveled at the intricacy of Skynet's copy of Allison's personality. She responded to my kiss exactly how Allison would have. How could Skynet have known about the subtle, nuanced movements her tongue makes? Or about how she moans under her breath sometimes when we share a deep, passionate kiss? Even the way she tangles her fingers in my hair. It was so good I had to remind myself to stop.

I pulled away from our embrace and looked into her eyes, which immediately started to tear up. "I'm not really here, am I?" she softly asked.

"No, Allison. You're not."

"I'm dead. I can't be here. What's going on? Please help me." Her lower lip was quivering as she fought the deluge of tears that wanted to pour from her eyes.

This was much more painful that I thought it would be. I thought I was going to be the one grieving and finally finding some twisted form of closure. I hadn't expected her to be doing the same. She knows she died, but I couldn't tell her that she was trapped inside the very machine that killed her. "Allie... I can't explain this but we don't have much time."

She squeezed some tears from her eyes and nodded, understanding that whatever was happening was not natural, and could not last.

I locked eyes with her, and told her, "Before you go away again, I just needed to tell you I how much I loved you, how much I still love you, and how much I'll love you forever."

A look of happiness seemed to wash over her face as she took in what I had said. "Ditto," she said, smirking.

"Smart ass," I responded, making both of us chuckle a bit, breaking up the tears.

"I actually have something for you," she said as she wiped her eyes and stood up. I watched her step over to her locker, work the combination dial and open it up. She reached in and grabbed a sealed envelope with my name written on the front.

"This letter is for you," she said when she handed it to me. "I wrote it in case I never made it back from West Hollywood. Read it once I'm gone."

I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded and put the letter in my pocket for safe keeping. What came next was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I had to remove Allison from my life for good.

"Allison..." I said, tenderly holding her face with both of my hands as I kissed her one last time. "It's time to go."

Her eyes were welling up with tears again as she said, "Okay."

"Goodbye, Allison Young. I'll always love you." I moved my left hand from her cheek to her scalp, and found that the skin had already been cut like a flap from when John had removed her chip to reprogram her.

"And I'll always love you," she whispered and closed her eyes in preparation for the end of whatever kind of experience this was for her. "Goodbye."

I had to summon all of my willpower to pull the chip out, but I did. Luckily for me, Allison had her eyes closed when I removed it, so I didn't have to look at the vapid lifelessness of them again. None the less, I still broke down and cried, holding her in my arms for quite some time.

After what may he been hours, after I just couldn't cry anymore, I laid her body down on Allison's cot, and left her quarters with Cameron's chip in my hand. I took it to John so he could delete the Allison persona once and for all. All he told me was "I'll take care of it," so I set the chip on his desk and left.


	12. The Letter

**Title: A TechCom Trainee's Journal**

**Chapter 12: The Letter**

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Author's Note: This is the letter that he received. Assume he folded it up and stuck it in the back of his Journal.

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The Letter

_My Love,_

_If you are reading this, either you broke into my locker, or I never made it back from West Hollywood. I hope for your sake that the former is true, but somehow I doubt it. If the latter is true, then I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we'll never again share another sunset. I'm sorry I'll never again get to look into your beautiful eyes. I'm sorry I'll never again feel your warm breath against my neck as you hold me close. But most of all, I'm sorry to have left you with a broken heart._

_You might cry for me, but your tears shouldn't be only tears of sorrow. While you mourn my death, you should also find joy in your heart as you recall the memories of our love. I want you to remember the passion we shared, and I want you to know that you've made me the happiest woman to have ever lived, and died. They say that love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop. I guess if you consider death to be the end, then this is certainly true of us, because even as I write this, my vision is blurred by the tears in my eyes. But I believe that death is just a doorway, and until I see you pass through it and join me in this place, I will always love you. _

_As much as I want to see you come through that doorway and join me once again, I don't want it to happen for a long time. I wish you a long and happy life. Someday, when another woman finds her way into your arms, I hope she brings you all the joy and happiness you deserve. And if you give her half the love that you gave me, she will indeed be very lucky. All I ask, is that even when your heart has been claimed by her, do not forget about me. I hope that even when you have moved on, and are fully devoted to her, there will be a special spot deep in your soul that will always whisper "Allison, I'll never stop loving you," because the saddest thing in the world__ I can imagine__, would be loving someone that USED to love me. _

_Finding someone to share your life with is a rare thing in this broken world, so understand that even though we have now lost it, we had what most people only dream of. _

_Truly yours until the end of time,_

_-Allie_

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**Closing Notes:**** That concludes this fanfiction. The storyarc I had originally planned out when I first started writing this fic actually ended with the last chapter, but I came up with the idea of Allison's letter while I was writing it and added it to the end. This was intended to be the love story of the journal author and Allison, and I believe it has come full circle now, so any subsequent entries would just be tacked-on and aimless, so I am ending it here.**

**Why did he stop writing in his journal? Maybe he lost it. Maybe he was killed on a mission. Maybe it reminded him of too many sad memories so he couldn't bare to continue. It's up to the individual reader, as is his identity, which I intentionally kept anonymous throughout this fic. **

**I want to thank all of the regular readers/reviewers for your comments on this piece. It is as much of a joy reading your comments as it is writing the story itself. **


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